Sunday, July 3, 2011

It's been an Odd week

Sometimes you end up having really interesting experiences when you least expect them.   I've been having tenderness in my toes.  Well, to be more precise, I have a sore big toe which feels like I have an ingrown toenail brewing.  You see, I can't see my toenails well enough and I can't manipulate the toe-aiil clippers to trim them properly.  And then in the evenings when I go to bed, I feel my big sore toe.  I know...too much information.  But anyway...So, I went to the doctor.  After a mix-up (the front desk forgot to tell the doc and nursing staff that I was waiting),  I went in and I thought I was going to have a quick time of it.

Not so.  After he had examined me.  He looked at me and asked if I minded him asking me about cancer.  I said sure.  "How long does it take to come to terms with a diagnosis?"  Hmmm. 

That's a tough one.  I think it is pretty much on an individual basis, but there is, I think, a progression.  At least it was for me adn for most other people I've talked to or heard talk about it.  First there is a numbness, then a feeling of despair as you think you're going to die.. imminently.Then, some people get angry, some people go into a period of denial, and me? Well, I felt like I had a job to do and I went into warrior mode. For most people the word "cancer" strikes fear because it is usually seen as a horrible death (and often it isn't) as well as being an absolute death sentence (it isn't...being born in a death sentence.  Lots of people survive cancer but everyone will die some day).  

What was so interesting is that he looked at me and said, "You thought you came in here about your toe...you really came today to help me.   I've just been diagnosed with salivary gland cancer."  Wow.  I wasn't expecting that one.  But I feel for him. He's a doctor. Doctor's heal people and so for him, there's another element that he has to wrap his head around.

Friday was my last chemotherapy treatment.  I will still go in to get my port flushed and every three months I will get an IV of Zometa to help with my bones and ward off further bone mets.  I will miss seeing my friends, the people I have been getting treatment with for the last 9 months.  You really meet some of the most interesting and inspiring people in the treatment room. 

I can honestly say that most people are very positive and nice. I did meet a very negative person on Friday, which was interesting. 

Hopefully my eyesight will return...as well as the feeling in my fingers and feet, although I'm not so sure about that.  I will certainly NOT miss having a dry mouth from the drugs. The sensation of waking up in the middle  of the night with your tongue completely dry is not something I enjoy. 

11 comments:

  1. Lisa I love that you call it warrior mode! I can relate to that with my RA and heart. I just never had a name for how I feel until now. If you don't mind I would like to use your term when people ask me about it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Be my guest. "Fighter" makes me think I'm a boxer....I'd rather warrior and think of myself as Boadicea!

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa, found your blog doing a search about vision problems from chemo which my husband has to the point where he is not comfortable driving (extreme light sensitivity and blurriness, field of view problems, color issues. He had small cell cancer in his foot and was aggressively treated with chemo and radiation. My question for you is, has your vision improved? His last treatment was almost 9 months ago and no improvement although it has not gotten much worse. WE are going to see another neuro opthamologist soon. We have heard chemo effects can last for up to 2 years (i.e., chemo brain). Thank you for posting your thoughts and we wish you the best!! Peg and Tim

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Peg, I only just finished this last Friday, July 1, and in my two previous treatments (CAF and Taxol) I never hat the problem. It's too early for me to tell. I can' tell you that yes, it does take about 2 years for everything to clear out and settle down after chemo. What I've been told is to don't even think about getting new glasses for at least 6 months after chemo. I know that I didn't start having vision problems until about 4 months after starting chemo, so i wouldn't expect to see improvement really quickly either. I'm esxpecting the fluriness to improve, the other issues that your husband is experiences, I havn't had, and may be different. I would suggest, however, to do as you're doing, continue to check it out. One major problem that chemo/cancer patients have is that we often assume that what we are experiencing is because of the cancer or the treatment, and it might just be a problem on its own.

    Some people suggest using vitamin B-12 to improve the neurological function, which may or may not help, but it is worth something to talk over with your doctors. If it isn't going to hurt (and nothing I can find says it does hurt) I'd go ahead and start doing that. Some people take high doses of B-12 with out problem but I would discuss it with your docs. Sorry I can't be of more help.

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lisa, thank you so much for your quick response and encouragement. We can only hope for the best and continue the good fight. I am a big Vitamin B believer, that's for sure. I happen to have shingles right now and it is encouraged for that as well. Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Peg, you definitely need to pursue this farther. I had an appointment with my oncologist today and asked him about the vision thing..now mind you, Abraxane might be different than whatever drugs your husband was on, but he said that I should see improvement by a month and probably have everything back to normal in 6 months.

    The color shift and other things concern me as most of the issues that many drugs have put out lately is merely blurriness. I know that the vitreous separation I recently had was due to age (yeah..I'm 51) and the fact that I'm nearsighted (more common among us).

    Good luck. To bad this all has to be so scary!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good luck with the continued recovery, Lisa. After your visit with the doctor and from your track record I think you can add Scholar, Teacher, Mentor and Coach after the Warrior tag.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Lisa,
    I like the term warrior. I always thought of myself as an Amazon (which turns out to be a warrior with a breast missing (!) on purpose--Greek mythology).

    Anyway, I always had to process things first before I told anyone (except my husband). I didn't want other people's emotions expressed as that never helped me.

    Power to your healing!
    Vicky F

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Vicky! Yes, I had heard that part of the myth where the Amazons removed the breast so that they could draw their bows better. Several years ago, National Geographic had an article about the fact that there may have been REAL Amazons in the region of Sythia and that some DNA evidence remains to prove it out. Very interesting...and I think of them when I contemplate having a prophylactic removal of my right breast.

    You are ever so right about taking time to process. Always a wise decision! Thanks for adding to the discussion.

    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for your blog, Lisa. As a 37 year old woman recently (Jan) diagnosed with Stage IV BC, you are my role model. I hope that I can be giving people hope 17 years from now. Good luck with your continued fight.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks SWB! I wish you all the bes. Remember, this is just a learning experience...and I hope to see you 20 years from now. :)

    ReplyDelete