Friday, July 29, 2011

Life in the Danger Zone

red Stargazer lillies from my garden.  You need smellovision for these!
I have entered what I call the "danger zone."   Often, after completing treatment, cancer patients have a tendency to fall into depression.  They are no longer actively fighting cancer and they feel vulnerable.  I have been through this myself several times (obviously after completing treatment in 1994 and 1998).   I have watched others go through this in addition.  I have seen men and women all of a sudden showing all the signs of a mid-life crisis even though they may be long past "midlife".  Those who are in midlife, often have an even deeper crisis.

I have known several men who were ordinarily solid, stable people suddenly have affairs, buy motorcycles and ride as if the devil himself were behind them.  I guess in a way, the devil IS behind them.

Right now, I am watching for these things in my own life...and doing what I can to guard against it.  I know that if I start seeing symptoms of depression, I will have to do something about it.  Presently, I don't.  I am, however, fighting the thought that it has come back, that the one point rise in my tumor markers is significant (probably not) thinking that the mild discomfort I get periodically in my right side is breast cancer that has metastasized to the liver, and when I sneeze hard enough to blow my head off and it makes my ribs hurt briefly, then it is OBVIOUSLY bone mets in my ribs.  Balderdash.  I have to put on my logical cap and remind myself that this is probably not so, and even it it were, I can't do anything at present about that anyway. 

Meanwhile, my feet and ankles are still swollen (A LOT), my vision is still blurry, my hands and feet are terribly numb...and I still have fuzz on my head.  Of course, I also have spruce pitch on my head from where the weeping spruce which over hangs my goldfish pond brushed me on my head as I messed with the filter.  Blech.  Maybe I should stick some thread on it and call it hair. :)

1 comment:

  1. I found that those alcohol based hand sanitizers worked great for getting pitch off my hands after setting up the xmas tree. Try it on your head! ;)

    It's interesting to hear about the "danger zone" but it makes sense. One is actively engaged in treating the disease and then suddenly there's nothing to do but keep an eye open and let the body heal. I hope your side effects abate quickly and recede into the background.