Sunday, April 24, 2011

Trying to do it All and the problems with asking for help

My daughter's high school graduation will be upon us in a month.  I am trying to get the house and the garden ready and it is very, very difficult.  I have found that with each treatment it is getting harder.  I'm getting more tired.  My eyesight is causing real problems.

My daughter wants to have her party outside in the garden.  In addition, friends and family from out of state as well as people we haven't had over before will be coming.  Needless to say, I do want everything to look nice and be good.

I think back to when I was in treatment 14 years ago.  I was in treatment with a woman named Hyla.  Hyla's daughter was going to be Bat Mitzvahed while she was in treatment.  Rather than have the reception at a hall, her daughter wanted to have it at the garden.  I remember feeling sorry for Hyla and thinking that her daughter was asking too much.  It was going to be a lot of work to get things around.

I now understand where both Hyla and her daughter were.   I think for my daughter and probably Hyla's as well, they were trying to keep things as normal as possible.  In the past while I would go into overdrive, doing this would be very possible and things would be great.  This is their way of trying to make themselves think that everything is fine, nothing is different and that mom will be OK. 

Only, it is different.  I don't have the stamina, strength, or ability.  For me, I am tired of my daughter having to live with cancer hanging over her for all her life.  I want her to have a really good graduation party in the manner in which she envisioned it.  I want the same for me.  Reality, however, is another thing and I find that I am doing the ever lessening expectations.  Things I wanted to have done simply aren't going to happen. 

Now, I'm hoping that it will dry out enough so that I can get mulch delivered and the deck painted (a necessity as ti really looks bad).

Dear husband and dear daughter both are in deep denial about what I am able to do, although I think it sort of shook them up today that I didn't go to church with them.  Dear husband seems to be in lala land and really doesn't understand.

I am embarassed to ask my friends for help because some of it is sooo bad and I've been so lax in taking care of things (yes, the basement is a disaster area and needs to be sorted out).  I need to make decisions about stuff and a lot of the putting away needs to be supervised by me.  I'm going to have to just stuff it....I'm happy that a friend of mine is coming this next weekend to help.  It doesn't mean, however, that I'm any less embarassed about it.  I  feel that my husband, daughter and I should be able to do it.  However, I think that their inability to acknowledge that I'm in trouble is a major problem in this.  I admit, I'm also a bit bummed that I thought I'd be done with chemo by now..instead, I'm on it for at least a couple of more months...sigh. 

Understanding where people are coming from is often the first step in being able to work on the problem.  

On a brighter note, isn't  that tulip just great?


  1. I'm bringing a range of eyeglasses to the next NC meeting. This will get better but some artificial aids are needed right now!

  2. Thanks, Dallas. I actually went into Walmart and was trying out "readers" to see if they would work....and I didn't find anything which would help. Most annoying. At least I have magnifying glasses for sewing.