Friday, April 15, 2011

In the Moment

Not too long ago, at the Noble Circle Retreat, a young woman who was listening to us tell our stories broke out "does it always come back?"  At 33, she was understandably worried.  In fact, that was one of her fears.  She also wanted to know if you ever got over being afraid that it would come back. 

I jumped in.  Not surprising, I knew where she was coming from.  I had been there in almost exactly the same circumstances, a young daughter, being young and facing early one's mortality.  It was, however, a slightly different group of people.  Most of us have been in or were in dire straights...more so than the average cancer survivor.

That isn't to say, however, that her fears were unfounded.  I do know what she's saying.  I can also honestly say that over time you think of it less.  It is there, but it just doesn't raise it's head as often.  Yes, every time you go in for a check up or a test, there is that moment.  My husband's cousin goes into a tail spin every time.  I don't, I think largely because I don't think it is worth worrying about.  If tests do show that it is back, I can't do much about it and fussing about it is counter productive.  We all, however, approach things in different ways.  This is just my viewpoint. 

I do think however that using a technique used in yoga and meditation is worthwhile.  When the thought or fear of cancer flits through your mind, acknowledge it and let it go.  Be in the moment. Not what happened before and not what MIGHT happen in the future.  Just breathe and be in the here and now.  

Sometimes when I think of things, it amuses me. Last weekend I had the privilege to work in the Mistyfuse booth at the International Quilt Festival in Cincinnati.  I was going to buy some UltraViolet Mistyfuse, but Iris (Ms.Mistyfuse) was out of the packages.  She said she'd send some to me.  How much did I want? Oh, 10 yards would be fine....she said that it comes in 50 yard bolts.  The thought which flitted through my mind is "50 yards? I don't think I'll live long enough!"  I giggled when I realized what I had thought.  Iris looked at me and said "What?"  "Oh, you would be mad at me if I told you."  She looked at me sternly and said "I'm sending you 300 yards, then."  Iris knew what I thought....and I think it's pretty funny. 

Remember...breathe in, breathe out...and just enjoy the now.

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