It's been an Odd week

Sometimes you end up having really interesting experiences when you least expect them.   I've been having tenderness in my toes.  Well, to be more precise, I have a sore big toe which feels like I have an ingrown toenail brewing.  You see, I can't see my toenails well enough and I can't manipulate the toe-aiil clippers to trim them properly.  And then in the evenings when I go to bed, I feel my big sore toe.  I know...too much information.  But anyway...So, I went to the doctor.  After a mix-up (the front desk forgot to tell the doc and nursing staff that I was waiting),  I went in and I thought I was going to have a quick time of it.

Not so.  After he had examined me.  He looked at me and asked if I minded him asking me about cancer.  I said sure.  "How long does it take to come to terms with a diagnosis?"  Hmmm. 

That's a tough one.  I think it is pretty much on an individual basis, but there is, I think, a progression.  At least it was for me adn for most other people I've talked to or heard talk about it.  First there is a numbness, then a feeling of despair as you think you're going to die.. imminently.Then, some people get angry, some people go into a period of denial, and me? Well, I felt like I had a job to do and I went into warrior mode. For most people the word "cancer" strikes fear because it is usually seen as a horrible death (and often it isn't) as well as being an absolute death sentence (it isn't...being born in a death sentence.  Lots of people survive cancer but everyone will die some day).  

What was so interesting is that he looked at me and said, "You thought you came in here about your toe...you really came today to help me.   I've just been diagnosed with salivary gland cancer."  Wow.  I wasn't expecting that one.  But I feel for him. He's a doctor. Doctor's heal people and so for him, there's another element that he has to wrap his head around.

Friday was my last chemotherapy treatment.  I will still go in to get my port flushed and every three months I will get an IV of Zometa to help with my bones and ward off further bone mets.  I will miss seeing my friends, the people I have been getting treatment with for the last 9 months.  You really meet some of the most interesting and inspiring people in the treatment room. 

I can honestly say that most people are very positive and nice. I did meet a very negative person on Friday, which was interesting. 

Hopefully my eyesight will return...as well as the feeling in my fingers and feet, although I'm not so sure about that.  I will certainly NOT miss having a dry mouth from the drugs. The sensation of waking up in the middle  of the night with your tongue completely dry is not something I enjoy.