All sorts of odd feelings came rushing in....Will the cancer grow since I won't get any chemo until my oncologist sees me on April 17 and figures out a reduced dosage? What does this mean for my overall survival? Will a reduced dosage work? After all, the reduced dosage of Xeloda was only marginally better for my body and wasn't enough to control the cancer.
On top of it all, I obtained a copy of my last PET scan.....and the results were more dire than my oncologist had led me to believe. All of this is downright scary. However, I am trying to take a deep breath. Since my first blood test indicated that the Halaven was working better than the oncologist anticipated, perhaps a reduced dosage will do as well. Perhaps the fact that I got one cycle and one dose in will mean that I will have a residual effect while I am waiting to get the reduced dosage.
Other questions are in my head....can someone with extensive bone mets like I have manage to get to a level of stability or even better yet No Evidence of Disease again? Or am I fooling myself. And in the mean time, what can I do to improve my health so that I am doing everything I can to make it work? Hopefully, I will be able to start walking again...although I am very slow and the neuropathy (from previous drugs as well as Halaven) make my walking pretty dicey...it's like I have dropped feet.
I do know that I cannot be mired in the "what ifs." However, I do recognize that I am having a period where it seems daunting indeed....That's one of the tough things about this disease. It is in some ways unpredictable....but it does have one predictable thing....it can't be cured. I will once again work to wrap my head around this....and not let the Cancer steal away my good days.....