Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Freaking out

Life has been hectic.Saturday was my daughter's high school graduation and party.  We had people coming from Washington state, Montana, Connecticut, Michigan and of course, the local area. 

Iris from my garden
Trying to get the house and gardens ready was a real feat. I had help from lots of people but found that the fatigue and pain in the pelvis I had was really a bit much to try to accomplish this.  Each night when I went to bed or often even before, I had horrific pain in my pelvis.  Since I didn't have similar pain when I had the first bone mets in 1997, I was terrified that I had chemo resistant cancer.  

The good news came today, howver, that my markers dropped again.   So, the pain, which is rather nasty, is due to a re-fracture from the damaged area, pain associated with Abraxane, or pain from the 2009 fracture from all the lifting, pounding, digging, etc.  I've been doing. 

I was really frightened.  How was I going to be able to continue to live in a 2 story house?  Does this mean that the rest of my life, however long that may be, I would continue to have pain?
Sometimes the Tramadol worked, sometimes it didn't. 

In the meantime, I am going to  hire someone to help me spread mulch, the only way I'll be able to keep on top of my garden this summer.  One of my neighbors told me that I would have to cut back.  I've been thinking that and I've been giving away plants, but there is a limit to some of the areas that I am willing to cut out.  I don't want to loose a lot of the shrubs I have and while I can, and am, reducing the size of some of the beds, others I don't want to.  Mulching and using Preen, a synthetic corn gluten which inhibits seeds from sprouting helps.  The areas in my garden where I used it last year and mulched were far easier to get into shape this spring. 

And...of course, I hope I don't have to do this next year.  In the meantime, I'm going to concentrate on the falling markers...........


  1. I've read this twice now and both times my first reaction has been to think about "perspective." My second reaction has been, "Were I in her shoes, I'd be doing the same thing." I can't really understand what your life is like and on the other hand you totally inhabit the same world I live in (at least during the growing season :)

    SO's mom is now in her third bout of breast cancer with one side trip into bladder cancer. She's pushing 92? 93? I can't even imagine but I try to be present. Meanwhile today I got a measly cortisone shot so I could regain comfortable use of my right arm. Peanuts in the scheme of things. And then I blew off work to take advantage of the anesthetic to plant 50 odd transplants in my garden. (hoping co-irkers don't read blogs)

    Concentrate on the falling markers, ask for help if you think you need it, do what your heart wants to do. :)

  2. Right, Shady. I wrote this in an effort to try to get people who have not been in my shoes to understand how wonky your thinking can get and how even the most resolute of us can be flopped into a period of fear. Pain does that, even if you don't have the same diagnosis.

    So, yes, I am concentrating on the falling markers, choosing to do what I want and hoping that hiring people to do the mulch for me will make it easier for me this year and next...and yes, I'm working on that. I AM thinking about reducing some of my flower beds, but that will be my choice, not what someone else thinks I should do. :)